My Transgender Transition Story from Boy to Girl (From Heartbreak To Joy)staff
Let me introduce myself, I am Val Marks and I am a Transgender Girly Female, in among’st a very hectic and somewhat chaotic lifestyle I have been through gender reassignment, come out the other side and find myself now living the life of a post operative transsexual.
I sometimes find it really hard to open up about my personal life but having now gone through a complete Male to Female transformation it is something that I want to share and hopefully, in some way, it may inspire or help others in their journey through womanhood.
I went from a rather shy male to a now confident female that has a completely different and much more positive outlook on life. My transforming journey from MTF (Male to Female) started way back as a spotty teenager and now, in my mid 40’s (2016), it seems my past life is somewhat of a distant memory.
Back in 1995, about 21 years Ago
I took the major step of facing my feelings and confronting my past and my future as a transgender person.
I had been dressing as a female from the age of 10 and always knew in my mind that I was not like the other boys and my pleasures and my thoughts all centered around female things and, up until my realization, having a hidden passion for all things feminine.
It was about time to confront those feelings head on – firstly I found employment and presented myself as a woman and albeit scared I did not let my insecurities show and strived to keep my head held high – i think that i gained a deal of respect for my positive outlook and the fact that i was following my heart. My job eventually led me to travel many places around the world and to my surprise I was received very well with only minor problems (mainly due to Pre-OP official paperwork problems) – and i made many good friends along the way.
A Glitch In My Plans
Around early 2003, I found love with a genetic female and in my pursuit of happiness I gave myself 110% to my relationship and let my own feelings and needs slip by the wayside Love at that time for me was a big mistake and let my transition fade into the background for a period of 3 or so years, however the feelings soon overpowered me once again and now feeling trapped in a relationship I was at a very low point in my life. The words kept ringing in my head ‘follow your dreams’ and your life and happiness will once again follow naturally alongside.
My relationship in 2006 ended in real heartbreak and sorrow for me and the emotional investment and the love i had for my partner almost drove me to ending my life. It was like 2 forces pulling me apart from both sides, one was pure and real love for my partner and the other was my destiny and reality that I had to complete my path to womanhood as otherwise I would be miserable, ultimately unhappy, and I knew that future meaningful relationships would only be possible after transition. It was really a no brainer but i was torn apart by guilt and heartbreak that I still deal with but i have learn’t to take the positives and the good memories and love the pain and love the years that were a big part of my life back then.
Even today, I encounter my own issues and confusion on the relationship and dating front. My preference and sexual desires are toward female partners and that has remained a constant throughout my transition (Gender psychologists at least nowadays understand that a person’s sexual orientation is in no way related to a patients gender dysphoria).
It’s 2006, I continued my transition, London (UK)
It was time to continue the path to transition and become the real me, something i had put on hold back in 2003 and those 3 years ‘off the rails’, so to speak, had set me back and left me feeling, that at this point, I should have already had my OP and fully transitioned into the woman I will always meant to be – this was a hard reality to live with.
Determination and reality of my situation, my strong feelings about my absolute need to become a woman both in body & mind, enabled me to carry on with quarterly visits to my Gender Psychiatrist in London (Charing Cross – Gender Identity Clinic). I remember the day when I got my hospital letter and date for my ‘Gender Reassignment Surgery‘, the letter came floating through my door, it was a feeling of pure excitement and extreme happiness. When i think back it was like floating on air and being the happiest i have ever felt and this feeling continued for several weeks until the GRS (Sex Reassignment) drew closer and some slight nerves started to kick-In. However, any nerves I had were solely due to the fact that I was scared of hospitals and, let’s face it, full gender reassignment is no small operation, but putting that to one side, I was again looking forward to the surgery and had my bag packed 2 weeks before the admittance date.
Late 2008, i went into hospital and had my GRS which, looking back, seemed to all be a blur but i have one overriding memory of happiness, completeness, which is the memory of my face having the biggest smile ever! (from ‘ear to ear’). In hospital, i was treated very well indeed, I experienced very little pain and my surgeon is someone i cannot praise highly enough (Mr James Bellringer MA MB Bchir FRCS(Urol) – CX Hospital London, More at the TS-Surgery Guide).
My life since transition, it has not all been a bed of roses, things are different for me now I find myself being much more emotionally stable, more homely and wanting more meaningful relationships in my life.
I guess the hardest part of Post-OP life (since 2008) is the relationship area – i have not had a relationship with anybody and as I am still attracted to the female sex. I now think in terms of having a lesbian relationship which is something that still causes me panic & confusion, however it’s a small price to pay. My hope is that one day I will find love again, or at least a lifelong partner to share precious moments with, to cuddle with up by a roaring fire, and someone just to spend time with into our more mature years.
The feeling of your reaching your destination in becoming the woman you have always dreamed of is something very special, inner peace, happiness and the ability to share yourself completely with others as you have nothing and no need to hide your feelings away anymore.
I hope you have enjoyed a snippet of my story, since 1995, and i would urge anybody embarking or on the road of transition to just follow your heart, your true-self and if people try to sway your path then stand tall and explain to them that you can only be true to yourself and will only become a complete person who can live and love completely as the real woman you are going to become.
I hope you enjoyed my story, please share it.
PS. If you would like to get in touch with me in regard to your transition, or you just want to make friends, please contact me via My Personal Facebook Page or through My Facebook Support Group.
Val Marks (Site Contributor)
Our Best Selling Transgender Books: